Thursday, August 14, 2014

Missing you

Dear Little Clarence:
I love you.  Let me start by saying that.  Although you and I said this to each other countless times, I want you to know with every part of my heart and soul that I love you. 10 days ago, I received a phone call that changed my life. It changed my life to learn that your life on Earth had ended.  I have been through every emotion available from anger to sadness to guilt.
I have blamed God, I have cursed Him, I have avoided Him.  I just did not want to face the fact that He had something to do with you not being here.  What are we supposed to do without our only brother, our baby brother?! Keep on living??? Yeah right, that's easy.  It has been hard.  It has been hard to keep my composure, to lean on our sisters, to be there for our sisters, to be strong in front of Dad.  I went back to work and it has taken the strength of God Himself to keep me from screaming bloody murder at co-workers. 

My faith has definitely been challenged in this ordeal and I have been agonizing and avoiding God about the loss of your life.  I received a book today when I first came in to work today from Kim.  It's a devotional. I read today's entry:

It is right on time. 

"Because I  never change, your relationship with Me provides a rock-solid foundation for your life. I will never leave your side. When you move on from this life to the next, My Presence beside you will shine brighter with each step. You have nothing to fear, because I am with you for all time and throughout eternity."

Despite whatever happens, I need to always know that God is here with us.  And YOU my brother will always be here with me. I love you, I miss you.